Saturday, December 31, 2005
Prepare for the Year of the Cat.Lebrity!
Fetch me some treats! Now, bitch! Don't make me bite you!
Oh, and when you go out later, don't drink, or do drugs, or drink and do drugs and spin around in a circle until you're dizzy, and drive!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Shake Your Body Body, Parasito!
We’re back, bitches! Merry 4 days after Christmas! Anyhoo, the votes have been tallied -- well, the one vote, our vote -- and Cat.Lebrity’s pick for Greatest Celebrity-Related Song of the Year is .... “Paris Hilton” by MU!
OK, technically it was released in 2004, but here at Cat.Lebrity we’re a tad slow. And really, this song probably deserves to win every year for the next ten years. Basically, the song consists of Mu screaming incoherently about Paris over synth bleeps and siren blasts and crazy drum machine beats:
Move your body-body
Shake your body-body
Jump your body-body
Paris Hilton!
With Mu’s thick Japanese accent, “ Paris Hilton” comes out sounding more like “Parasito.” Which seems appropriate enough. The rest of the lyrics are a little hard to decipher, though at one point Mu, as Paris, describes herself as “the richest party dumb girl” (or something like that) and invites us to watch her sex tape.
But why take my word for it? Here’s the insane video, complete with hearts, skulls, blood, humping unicorns, a tea party, and frantic chicken dancing.
As you can see in the picture above, Mu’s done her hair up in a way that makes her look a little like a kitty. Yay!
UPDATE: We happily welcome our Slovenian visitors!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Mariah Shows a Little Pussy (Literally)
So I've been looking again at that puzzling Mariah Carey picture I linked to the other day and, er, if you look carefully underneath her robe, well -- judge for yourself. I think she's showing off a little more than she meant to!
tags: mariah carey, pussy, no not that kind
Lazy Friday Links (Pre-X-Mas edition)
The Hiltons ruin Christmas AGAIN!
But Whitney and Bobby save it!
Celebrity Christmas cards!
Jessica Simpson is a dejected Charlie Brown.
Britney’s Parade of Embarrassment
Celebrity House of Wax
Katie Couric + No Sleep = Funny! Well, disturbing.
Assvertising!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
O Tamponbaum! Plus: Pop Quiz!
The first person who can correctly identify what the hell that is in the picture at left wins ... their face on a cat! Seriously, email a picture of yourself (or, hell, anyone else, famous or not) and I’ll put it on a cat. Hey, that’s what I do.
While you’re pondering, here’s Hilary Duff scratching her ass. And a Christmas tree decorated with tampons! It’s good to see that SOMEONE is keeping the old traditions alive.
UPDATE: We have a winner! The picture is of Mariah Carey’s undercarriage -- well, her legs, nothing more naughty than that -- peeking out from under a robe while she poses on a couch with a little dog. See the original pic on Cityrag here. You’ll need to look at the bigger version of the picture to get a clear view.
Posh Should Nosh, Says Sarah Jessica Parker
Sarah Jessica Parker is complaining that skinny celeb mamas like Victoria Beckham are sending the wrong message to new moms, who, SJP says, should endeavor to be a tiny bit plumper than wire coathangers.
Obviously, SJP’s just jealous because Posh is so much prettier. She’s a dainty little angel! A hairless dainty angel with giant cat ears!
tags: sarah jessica parker, posh spice, victoria beckham, stick insect, dainty angel
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
This Just In: BRITNEY NOT GOOFY!
Those meanies at US Weekly say that Brit Brit is "goofy." That is like so not true! She is a sober and responsible adult. So she's suing the mag for libel, saying it's exposed her to "hatred, contempt, ridicule and obloquy." Well, more of all that than usual, I guess. Anyway, you can tell she's got good lawyers because of the "obloquy." I mean, I don't even know what it means but now I want to sue people for obloquying ME! Dirty obloquying fuckers!
The magazine also says Brit Brit has a sex tape of her and her giant smelly doofus, which is said to inspire "laughter and disgust" among those who view it. Brit says, nuh-uh! Uh, Brit, I watched a little bit of "Chaotic" and I really don't have a hard time believing there's some laughter-and-disgust-causing Brit-Kev sex footage stuffed under your bed next to all the dust bunnies and stale socks.
tags: britney spears, goofy, libel, k-fed, stanky, sex tape, I just threw up
Stankiest Man Alive: K-Fed or Kid Rock?
Is Kit, er, Kid Rock gunning for K-Fed’s cushy gig? I’m not sure, but he’s certainly got K-Fed’s look down pat. And I’m guessing he probably smells similar as well. Study these candid shots carefully: If you were Britney, which one would YOU choose, the stanky man already on your sofa (K-Fed, below) or the stanky man who could quite easily intall himself on your sofa (K-Rock, at left)?
Thanks to Cityrag for the shots of Kid Rock with a bad case of the uglies.
Hey, Cat.Lebrity newcomers! Check out some of our GREATEST HITZ!
K-Fed in the doghouse!
Jen Garner, Ready to Pop
Jen Garner Drops a Litter!
Jennifer Aniston Topless! (Literally)
Macy's Parade Mishap!
Kirsten Dunst’s Drunken Master!
Bush battles door!
MJ: The King of Poop
J Lo, illegal space alien
Vince Vaughn: Not fat, fluffy!
Nicollette Sheridan: Desperate Housecat
Nicole Richie is thoroughly inspected
tags: kid rock, k-fed, stanky, lazy, layabouts
Monday, December 19, 2005
A Cataclysm of Links!
The Hiltons enlist in the war on Christmas.Kids hate Santa! Thanks, Cityrag!
Michael Jackson is an enemy of the animals.
But Fatboy Slim LOVES kitties! (Video) Thanks Hollywood Tuna!
Wipe your ass on Posh! Thanks, Dlisted!
Nicole Richie: becoming a cat lady?
Colin Farrell: kiddy pornographer?
Kirsten Dunst’s poky little boobies.
Yo yo yo! (Actually, these guys are just plain yo yos.)
Insert pussy joke here. NSFW.
Friday, December 16, 2005
Crashlee Simpson
Ashlee Simpson, Papa Joe’s second-favorite daughter, collapsed while on tour in Japan and had to be hospitalized!
Some sources are reporting that she collapsed in an elevator after performing on MTV Japan. But as this photo clearly shows, she was actually in some dude’s back yard chasing bugs. Chasing bugs is FUN!
tags: ashlee simpson, hospital, japan, bug chasing, sleeeeeepy
Thursday, December 15, 2005
While Kitties Train in Secret ...
...to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, it is my duty as a CatSymp to distract you with stupid trivia! So let's get to it:
“Hey, dude, after the fight, you wanna go see Brokeback Mountain?”
“No way, dude! You KNOW we're totally not gay!"
Posh defends her man against a human female! But humans are no match for Skeletor!
“Not Debbie, De-bor-ah! What are you laughing at? Do I have something in my teeth?”
The world’s most brittle smile ever.
“Tom, don’t worry. It'll be fine. There's no way she could get away. That Incubation Chamber we installed in her belly will slow her down big-time if she tries to make a run for it. And there's that GPS thing we implanted in her ass. Plus a team of Celebrity-Retention Technicians following her in a van. And, oh yeah, she’s wearing an ORANGE CLOAK SO BRIGHT IT'S VISIBLE FROM SPACE!!"
Don’t take hairstyling tips from cats with fruit on their heads.
Tom Cruise's Head Stuck Up Own Ass, Tree
Tom Cruise, who’s not a doctor but who plays one in his own big head, has pissed off New York city firefighters by saying that rescue workers suffering smoke inhalation should throw down their inhalers and take a swig of cooking oil instead. (It’s what L. Ron would have done.)
Later he infuriated the firefighters further by getting himself stuck up a tree. (See photo at left.)
tags: tom cruise, firefighters, cooking oil, that sounds awfully suggestive
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Kitties Love Links!
Pay attention! Now let's begin.
Paris is a terrible pet owner! But David Hasselhoff is even worse.
At least he’s got fans in Germany, though. Paris, not so much.
Posh, meanwhile, lacks an ass; Borat has lost his web site; and Carrot Top is overcompensating for something (probably his lack of talent).
Meanwhile, Scarlet has had an unfortunate stapler mishap; and some of Hollywood’s grande dames are turning into real Hollywood Madames.
UPDATE: The screenshot's from a game called Shivering Kittens. (The link there gets you to an early version of the game; there's a more recent version of the game also hosted on that site.) Haven't tried it, but it does look awfully cute.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Dennis Rodman is a Pretty Kitty!
Dennis Rodman is once again dressing like a pretty lady!. This time he’s wearing a catsuit as well. Very fetching!
tags: dennis rodman, drag, catsuit, pretty!
Monday, December 12, 2005
Celebrity Body Part Parade 2!
It’s time for another Celebrity Body Part Parade!
Lips!
Chin!
Butt! Also, butts! Still more butts!
Fanny! (Pack)
Can there be such a thing as too much of the boobies? Actually, yes!
Toe! (Of Camel)
Friday, December 09, 2005
Jennifer Aniston ... Topless!
Yes, that's right. As you can see, the whole top half is missing!
These are the pictures you won't see anywhere else!
Actually, come to think of it, it's just one picture.
tags: jennifer aniston, topless, yet without boobs
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Paris Hilton Spreads ... Christmas Cheer!
Yes, she also spreads her legs, and, we’re guessing, herpes, and maybe even peanut butter once in a while, but Paris Hilton is also capable of spreading some seasonally appropriate cheer. Without actually doing anything, even.
It seems that everyone’s favorite slatternly heiress has been drafted into the War On Christmas, though it’s not clear which side she’s helping. See, some guy in Rhode Island is getting into hot water with the neighbors because his elaborate and surprisingly elegant front-yard Christmas display happens to incorporate several large photos of Ms. Hilton clad in, well, some seasonally INappropriate attire.
We here at cat.lebrity encourage our readers to incorporate Paris into their Christmas celebrations as well. Merely print out the image at left, paste it to some stiff cardboard, attach a hook and --hey presto! -- a Christmas tree ornament sure to frighten even the normally unflappable Mr. Claus.
We're not sure why she's playing a guitar either. She just is.
Black Eyed Pea Peed
Fergie, the she-thing from the Black Eyed Peas, has finally admitted that yes, she did in fact pee her pants at a recent concert.
Since then, she's been diligently trying to train herself to use a toilet. (See photo at left.) Though from time to time she still does spray a little to mark her territory. Who doesn't?
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Dogs Laugh, Cats Laugh Last
That “long, loud pant” you sometimes hear from your dog isn’t just a weird bark -- it’s actually the sound of a dog laughing. Or so says a researcher at Spokane County Regional Animal Protection Service in Washington state who, ABC News reports, “has studied everything from hamster culture to elephant self-recognition.”
Hamster culture!? Everyone knows those little hairballs are total philistines! There have never been any great Hamster painters, and that one dance they know is laughably amateurish!
Anyway, we would like to emphasize that this new study does not mean that dogs are better than cats. While dogs may laugh, cats laugh last! (See picture at left.)
Glamour Length Glamour Links
Brit Brit is a pretty princess
Aw! He's still dreamy!
Teri's natural beauty shines through!
And IIIIIIIIIIIII will alwayyyyys loooooooove yooooouuuu!
Even her neck is glamorous! Wait, that'’s not the word I meant. Gangrenous.
Hey, is that Tara Reid? (If not, someone stole her look!)
J Lo poses with, not sure, a gay cult leader perhaps?
Stars! They're just like us! And vice versa
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Nicole Richie's Giant Glasses, Explained!
So, if you’ve ever wanted to know where Nicole Richie gets her fashion sense, here’s a clue!
By the way, that thing she's wearing on what's left of her body is a sort of mini-cape. If you're brave, take a peek at what she looks like underneath that cape.
tags: nicole richie, giant sunglasses,really really giant
Cat Parade (Part Two-sday)
Hey everybody! More crazy cat pix on Dumpalink.com!
Gone Fishin’
D’oh!
All-American obesity epidemic
Emotional rollercoaster
Cat bite
You better run!
Monday, December 05, 2005
I Married a Monster!
The lovely, ghoulish Dita Von Trapp, er, Teese, has finally made an honest man out of Marilyn Manson. The two tied the knot in a nondenominational ceremony at Castle Gurteen in Ireland this Saturday. And when we say "tied the knot," we mean "got married." There will be plenty of time to tie knots, by which we mean "crazy Japanese bondage knots," during the honeymoon! Afterwards the happy couple skinned and ate a baby.
tags: marilyn manson, dita von teese, married, ate a baby
Cat Parade (Part One)
The folks at Dumpalink.com have assembled a veritable parade of silly cat pictures!
Cat overlord!
An enthusiastic youngster!
How you say ... shaved?
Long cat running
Whitney and Bobby!
Anyone for tennis?
More to come!
Friday, December 02, 2005
Cat.Lebrity's GREATEST HITZ (so far)
Ah, sweet sweet memories! Here, because we think they deserve a second look, are some of our favorite cat.lebrity posts from our first two months (which happen to be the past two months):
Kirsten Dunst’s Drunken Master!
Bush battles door!
MJ: The King of Poop
J Lo, illegal space alien
Vince Vaughn: Not fat, fluffy!
Nicollette Sheridan: Desperate Housecat
Death Becomes Goldie
Y Kant K-Fed Rap?
Christian Slater’s Bush Plunge!
Nicole Richie is thoroughly inspected
Tom Delay in deep doo-doo (literally)
K-Fed in the Doghouse!
Looks like the most successful freeloader in the world is in danger of losing his gig! Brit Brit has reportedly kicked her trashy hubby’s doggy ass out of the house; he’s licking his wounds at the Beverly Hills Hotel (and probably racking up giant room service bills at Brit’s expense). Brit has already been seen in the company of Johnny Knoxville, so I think we can all see where this is headed. Johnny K is turning into quite an expert celebrity marriage-ending-counselor!
Perez Hilton broke the shocking story that rocked the nation.
My favorite line from the NY Daily News item on the Brit battle:
“Federline, whose hobbies Spears finances, has brushed off her pleas that he see a therapist, according to insiders.”
Damn. I gotta get myself a Brit Brit. I have a lot of hobbies that could use financing.
ATTENTION CAT.LEBRITY NEWCOMERS! Check out our Greatest Hits (so far)!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Jen Garner Drops a Litter
Well, she finally popped!
At least we now know why her bump got so big!
HEY CAT.LEBRITY NEWCOMERS! Check out our Greatest Hits, insofar as they can be called that.
tags: jennifer garner, ben affleck, birth, baby, kittens
The French Win the Face Race
French doctors have performed the world’s first face transplant, just like in the movie Face-Off.
Well, not EXACTLY like the movie.
