Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Lost spinoff: Lost Cat!

Good news everybody! ABC has just announced a spinoff to its hit show LOST! In the new show, some of the Lost-aways will be whisked away to another mysterious island. Well, not so much an island as a giant floating cat. There, they will be forced to rub the cat’s belly every 108 minutes. And bring it fish. Lots of fish.

The show will be called, naturally, LOST: CAT. Look for it next fall. Before it comes looking for you!

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Sunday, February 19, 2006

Jessica Alba: Sin Kitty!

How is Jessica Alba like a kitten? She’s so cute that no matter what she does -- good or bad, stupid or smart -- it’s ADORABLE!

Kitten falling asleep eating her dinner? CUUUUTE! Jessica scratching her ass on the beach? PRECIOUS! Kitten clawing apart your couch? Still cute! Jessica appearing in terrible movie after terrible movie? Awww -- I can’t stay mad at HER!

So today we celebrate Jessica’s freakish cuteness with a publicity still of her as a stripper with a heart of gold working an oddly fibrous stripper pole in the (admittedly imaginary) film Sin Kitty.


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Thursday, February 16, 2006

In the Pubic Domain

Is that her birth canal?

All I can say about this is Goreci penis na otvoritvi!

Well do you? Do you have the BALLS?

She can scare the world off with her smile!

It’s apparently fashion week for crazy people riding subways. Thanks, Citirag for pointing me to this post!

Imaginary robot birds!

Cat Poop in Ann Coulter's Face

Witless Nazi harridan Ann Coulter was in the news recently -- for committing voter fraud! Well, sort of. She apparently voted in the wrong precinct in a Palm Beach council election. (Apparently she also voted for Hamas. See what troubles democracy can bring you?)

That’s not really a very exciting story, the whole voting-in-the-wrong-precinct thing. It’s not like she SHOT some dude in the face. But hey, it’s not like celeb baby bumps are exactly news either. So Ann is getting the Catlebrity makeover.

I didn’t feel right about pasting her cadaverous face on some innocent cat. But putting her head in a toilet, facing the business end of a cat’s butt? Well, that feels so right it should probably be illegal. Watch out for THESE hanging chads!

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Katie Holmes Captured By Monsters

So a couple of nights ago, and I swear I’m not making this up, I had a dream in which I and a ragtag crew of sneaky do-gooders attempted to rescue Katie Holmes from the belly of the beast. We had been in secret contact with her, and she was ready to go. Then at the last moment she backed out and the plan was aborted.

Well, apparently I’m Nostradamus! On Tuesday, word began spreading on various celeb web sites that Life and Style magazine was reporting a TomKat split! Tom’s people rushed to quash the story, telling The Star that it was mean and disgusting and ”unequivocally false.” (See Popbytes for a blow-by-blow,)

You can believe what you want to believe, I guess. My theory? Katie did in fact make a run for it, but was chased down ... by MONSTERS! Raaarrrr!

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Every Kiss Begins With Kibble

I got this in the mailbox today, left by a small furry creature who fled so quickly I couldn't identify it. I don't know if this is an invitation, a threat, or if these three are just bragging. Whatever it is, it's just plain wrong.

Monday, February 13, 2006

It's all fun and games until Dick Cheney shoots your eye out!

We at Cat.Lebrity were awakened from our long slumber this past weekend by the sound of gunfire. “Uh oh,” we thought to ourselves. “Dick Cheney’s at it again!” And sure enough he was.

After some considerable effort, and a nice nap, we were able to unearth this ACTUAL PHOTO taken just before Dick’s hunting accident. It’s not surprising he hit someone -- clearly he’s not even looking where he’s shooting!

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