catlebrity

Catlebrity's Got a Brand New Blog

2008-05-04T17:03:00.003-05:00

Hey everybody! After a long hiatus, I've got a brand-new blog. It's about poncey atheist rabblerouser Richard Dawkins, and how he's a douchebag! It's called Richard Dawkins is a Douchebag.

Do the Trite Thing

2006-11-06T18:59:00.000-06:00

Catlebrity is resting, so if you've finished looking at all our old posts, swing on by our NEW FAVORITE BLOG EVER!

I present to you: trite!

Catlebrity Plays the Hits

2006-09-27T17:28:00.000-05:00

Since we’re on, er hiatus, please to enjoy this second batch of Catlebrity’s Greatest Hits. (See more in the sidebar.)

Kittens Living in Nicole's Bikini
Lance Bass is a Pretty Kitty
Arrr! Keith Richards!
Paris in the Toilet (Literally)
Sean Preston Federline Makes a Poopy
Paris Hilton is Toonces the Cat
Paris Sings Show Tunes
K-Fed Takes a Bath
Lost Spinoff: Lost Cat
Jessica Alba, Sin Kitty
Gwyneth ith Pregnant

Catlebrity is sleeping, again

2006-09-21T20:03:00.001-05:00

Catlebrity is sleeping. And Monkeylebrity has escaped. So don't expect new posts for awhile. Enjoy the old ones.

John Mark Karr is a Creepy Monkey

2006-08-21T18:24:00.000-05:00

Frequently fired schoolteacher and world traveler John Mark Karr may or may not have killed JonBenet Ramsey, but he is, beyond a reasonable doubt, seriously creepy.

Posted by Catlebrity for guest editor Monkeylebrity. It's Monkey Week on Catlebrity!

tags: john mark karr, jonbenet, creepy, monkey, pedophile (allegedly)

Kittens Discovered Living in Nicole Richie's Bikini

2006-08-16T16:14:00.000-05:00

With Nicole Richie growing smaller every day, there’s so much extra room in her now-baggy bikini that a litter of kittens has taken up residence there.

(Original Star magazine scan borrowed from Popbytes.)

For more on Nicole, see Nicole Richie is Thoroughly Inspected.

For another uberskinny celeb, see Posh Should Nosh.

tags: nicole richie, kittens, anorexia, bikini

Mel Gibson blames kinkajous for all the world's wars

2006-08-11T13:44:00.000-05:00

Paris Hilton’s kinkajou, Baby Luv, is back! And apparently feeling a little bitey.

Upon hearing the news, a drunken Mel Gibson declared: “Fucking kinkajous! The kinkajous are responsible for all of the wars in the world. Are you a kinkajou?”

Then he stripped to his underwear and began playing the banjo.

For more Mel, see What Jew Talkin' 'Bout, Mel?

tags: paris hilton, baby luv , kinkajou, mel gibson, drunk, anti-semite

Don't poke these links with a stick

2006-08-10T22:22:00.000-05:00

Paris’ ass cheek goiter returns! (For the original ass cheek goiter, see the always excellent Cityrag.)

Luckily, Paris is not so troubled by her ass goiter that she can’t sit down for a nice pretend read.

John Travolta’s got a great rack!

That’s not Suri; that’s just Tom in a diaper.

Pink is a plagiarised cartoon!
But she’s still pretty hot. Except when she does this.

Don’t poke a leopard with a stick

Link 'n' Park

2006-08-01T15:56:00.000-05:00

Lindsay’s ass is fried. Er, fired.

The dancers in the second picture here are about as interested in Mariah as the U.S. Olympic team was interested in Jane Russell in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.”

Tara’s tatas are temporarily contained.

Mel Gibson has opinions about the gays too.

Cats on screens!

How to make felt from cat hair.

The most energetic clip art you’ll ever see.

A windy day at the beach.

What Jew Talkin' 'Bout, Mel?

2006-07-30T00:20:00.000-05:00

Mel Gibson, shown here with his lawyers, gave a press conference this Saturday in an attempt to apologize for that impromptu anti-Semitic tirade he launched into after being arrested for drunk driving on Friday night.

Things got off to a rocky start when Gibson opened the floor to questions by calling on “you, the fucking Jew in the back row. Yeah, you, ask me one of your fucking Jew questions, you filthy money-changing, dreidel-spinning, Jew-fro-sporting Christ-killing Jewy Jew-pants!”

It was not immediately clear why Gibson was wearing women's clothing.

For more pictures of Mel’s lawyers, see Cats That Look Like Hitler.

tags: mel gibson, drunk,tranny, anti-semite, hitler, cats, DUI

Kitties on Film: Going Bananas!

2006-07-29T20:10:00.000-05:00

Yes, we want no bananas!
Cat banana ennui.
Inspector Cat and the Case of Bananas
When in doubt, lick it.

Lance Bass is a Pretty Kitty

2006-07-28T01:34:00.000-05:00

We weren’t shocked, exactly, when Ellen came out of the closet. Or Rosie. Or even Donald Rumsfeld. But Lance Bass!? LANCE motherfucking BASS!!?? We never saw that one coming.

Still, looking through the old photos of Lance we have in our, ah, private collection, we’re thinking maybe we should have picked up a hint or two.

tags: lance bass, sailor suit, gay, very very gay

Ann Coulter, Death Warmed Over in a LBD

2006-07-25T19:08:00.000-05:00

This excessive heat makes me too sleepy to do any photoshopping today, so here' s a thoroughly UNphotoshopped little picture I found of Ann Coulter in a sort of zombie-minx pose. (The decaying flesh on her legs detracts a little from the glamour of it all.) As always, she's wearing her trademark Little Black Dress. Does she ever wash that thing? It must reek to high heaven.

tags: ann coulter, cadaver, death, stench, little black dress

Dazed and Confused Links

2006-07-19T02:06:00.000-05:00

Ex-Ice Princess Oksana Baiul has given up on makeup entirely; now she simply dips her face in boiling oil to get a nice crispy sheen.

Excited by her upcoming re-nuptuals, Pam takes her nipples out for a walk -- and then later for a swim.

Not for the first time, Paris kisses a weasel!

No, she’s too good-looking to be Ann Coulter.

Do you believe in Suri?

Tara Reid goes around the block in a daze.

What (Drugged-Out) Justin Timberlake Saw

2006-07-18T17:00:00.000-05:00

The cat's out of the bag! Turns out our dear little Justin Timberlake loves the drugs. In fact, we at cat.lebrity have learned, when he was performing that notorious Super Bowl halftime show he was so whacked out on LSD that THIS is what he saw when Janet's boob came popping out.

tags: justin timberlake, marijuana, heroin, LSD, Drugs, janet jackson, Boobies, nipple slip, kitten

Being Britney

2006-07-18T15:47:00.000-05:00

See the world through Britney's eyes!

Sad Little Pussy Links

2006-07-12T01:58:00.000-05:00

Paris pets the pussy!

Apparently, she’ll be doing a lot more of that now, as she claims she’s boycotting sex for a year.

Presumably that’ll give this thing some time to recover. Oh, who are we kidding? It’s never going to fully recover.

Ladies and gentlemen, the face of L’Oreal, sans L’Oreal.

But who needs makeup when you’re made of wax?

Suri Cruise Found! (In a Bag)

2006-07-11T17:33:00.000-05:00

Here, at long last, is the authentic photo of Suri Cruise that we’ve all been waiting for. Apparently the reason we hadn’t seen her until now is that she spent most of the last eight weeks hiding in a bag. Hey, that’s perfectly normal behavior for a kitten. What’s strange is that -- even apart from the fact that she’s a kitten -- she doesn’t look much like Tom, or Katie. Actually, she looks more like ... no, that can’t be. I mean, he died in 1987 or something, and we all know there’s no such thing as reincarnation. Or is there?

tags: Suri, tom cruise, Katie Holmes, Scientology, kitten (in a bag).

Keith Richards: Pirate of the Cat-ribbean!

2006-07-05T20:05:00.000-05:00

Yep, Keith Richards (who's reportedly still alive) will appear in the next installment of Pirates of the Caribbean. Which makes perfect sense, because he's quite fond of rum, and already has his own costume!

keith richards, pirates, pirates of the caribbean, rum, arrr

Kitties on Film: Cat Dancers

2006-07-05T18:58:00.000-05:00

We like the cats, the cats that go boom!

Cat! I’m a kitty cat! (A classic.)
Ascii Cat Dance!
Dancehall kitten!
Warning! Not actual cat.
Neither is this. (It's cornstarch. Watch the whole thing for the full effect.)

Star Jones Pees on Barbara's Chair

2006-06-30T19:32:00.000-05:00

Even after her little post-View media tour, Star Jones Reynolds remains one pissed-off kitty. Earlier today she snuck onto the set of The View and had to be hauled off by guards who caught her tearing up the furniture. Witnesses noticed a strong odor of cat pee in the air, but, to be fair, that’s pretty much how The View set always smells.

tags: star jones, The view, angry, rampage, catfight, cat pee

Paris Must Poop!

2006-06-21T18:27:00.000-05:00

Recently, while flying over Germany on some super-secret slutty mission, Paris Hilton landed her helicopter on a farm and forced the family living there to let her use their bathroom. Apparently, says someone who was there, "her bouncers even blocked the farm door so the family couldn't go inside their own house while she was using the loo."

What's even worse is that she's still not quite sure how to use a toilet. That's why she usually just squats on the ground and lets loose.

Related:

Paris Hilton is Toonces the Cat

Sean Preston Federline Makes a Poopie

Michael Jackson, King of Poop

Cat Poop in Ann Coulter's Face

tags: paris hilton, pee, Poo, toilet training

Brandon Davis Gets an Oil Change

2006-06-19T12:41:00.000-05:00

Oily heir and team firecrotch member Brandon Davis has reportedly checked into rehab. No, it has nothing to do with drugs. They just need to scrub him down and apply a fresh coat of oil, a process that may take several weeks.

UPDATE: Aaaak! Brandon Davis has invaded my unconcious! Shortly after posting this, I took a little, er, catnap, and had a dream in which the oily heir and a bunch of his buddies busted into my apartment. One of them dismantled my phone, and the rest were, well, obnoxious douchebags. I couldn't get them to leave so eventually I had to knock Brandon out by bashing him on the head with a bottle of booze.

tags: brandon davis, oil, grease. rehab, firecrotch

Super Kitty Links Jamfest

2006-06-15T00:35:00.000-05:00

Kitty reality show!

Kitty reality show webcams!

Catwash!

Kitties a-leaping!

Moggy coddling imperils Wales!

No kitties here, just crazily photoshopped celebrities!

Sean Preston Federline Makes a Poopie

2006-06-14T20:36:00.000-05:00

So US Weekly is reporting that not too long ago big mama Britney took little Sean Preston thong shopping with her at Victoria’s Secret -- babies love slutty lingerie! Well, it seems he made a poopie in his diapers and, perfect mother that she is, Brit Brit insisted on changing him right then and there, on the floor, by the cash register. Being a charitable sort, she offered to donate the dirty diaper to a salesperson, who politely declined.

Poor Britney! If it had been little Shiloh Nouvel’s diaper, the employee would have taken it gladly and built a little shrine to it, or auctioned it off on eBay for $10,000.

To avoid future embarrassing scenes, we recommend that Britney have her manny cart around a little litterbox for baby Sean. It’s much more hygienic, and you can wait literally weeks before changing the litter. At least I do.

By the way, here’s a lovely shot of mama Britney.

tags: britney, Britney Spears, kevin federline, sean preston, baby, baby daddy

Ashlee Kitten: Before and After

2006-06-13T21:38:00.000-05:00

In the latest issue of Marie Claire, Ashlee Simpson and her tiny new nose throw down a challenge to "Hollywood's twisted view of feminine beauty." proclaiming that "everyone is made differently, and that's what makes us beautiful and unique."

So obviously she CAN'T have had any plastic surgery. She lost that nose through diet and exercise!

And happily, she still has her giant cat ears.

More Ashlee:

Ashlee Simpson is Self-Cleaning
Ashlee Collapses Chasing Bugs
Ashlee Raccoon

tags: ashlee simpson, nose job, ashlee simpson nosejob, collagen, trout pout

Paris Hilton is Toonces the Cat

2006-06-12T14:07:00.000-05:00

I’m not sure who’s the biggest menace on the road, Paris Hilton or Toonces the Cat.

Here’s Paris.

Here’s Toonces.

You be the judge.

tags: paris hilton, toonces, hit and run

Kitties on Film: Drawer of Kittens!

2006-06-10T03:30:00.000-05:00

If I had my own TV network, it would run live shots of drawers of kittens all day long.

Catty Kathy Griffin

2006-06-09T00:48:00.000-05:00

Even though she is known to consort with dogs, we at catlebrity can’t help but love love love that Kathy Griffin, quite possibly the world’s greatest celebrity bitch-slapper. The new season of her reality show,
My Life on the D-List, started this week, and we couldn’t be happier. Well, we probably could, but, that’s really a whole other set of issues that have nothing to do with Kathy, so let’s move on.

Anyway, it occured to us that Kathy is catty enough to be an honorary cat, so we went ahead and made her into one.

And as an added bonus to Kathy and her fans: Here’s an animated map of the US that tracks Bush’s plummeting popularity!

tags: kathy griffin, D-List, celebrity idiots, couch-destroying dogs

Kitties on Film: Dogfight!

2006-06-08T15:39:00.000-05:00

Kitty, 1; Puppies, 0

2006-06-08T00:41:00.000-05:00

Watch this video of a badass kitty staring down a horde of puppies. Then watch it again, and again.

There are no kitties in the deepest depths of the ocean, but if there were, they’d make short work of these weirdos.

There don’t seem to be any kitties in North Korea, either, though there are an awful lot of big, empty roads.

OJ's Sex (Kitten) Tape

2006-06-07T00:39:00.000-05:00

We at catlebrity were horrified to learn that a sex tape apparently featuring OJ Simpson has hit the Internets. We were even more horrified when we found this still photo from the video shoot. OJ’s people say it’s an OJ imposter on the tape. You be the judge.

At least it wasn’t a Joe Simpson sex tape. That would be creepier still.

tags: oj simpson, joe simpson, homer simpson, sex tape

Paris Wants Love Gravy!

2006-06-06T21:53:00.000-05:00

Paris’ new video is out. It’s a music video this time, though the production values are similar to that other video of hers.

Am I hearing things, or is she singing “if you show me real love gravy, I’ll show you mine???” Because if she isn’t, she should be.

More Paris here!

Meanwhile, help SAVE this misunderstood kitty! I’m serious, too. The resident cat here at the catlebrity offices has viciously attacked me many times, and you don’t hear me calling the cops. She only bites me because she loves me so much!

Britney, Not So Kitteny

2006-06-05T18:43:00.000-05:00

Remember the good old days, when sweet little Britney described herself as (and I'm paraphrasing here), "not a kitten, not yet a cat"? Well, though she's pretty definitively not a kitten any more, we at catlebrity are unable to figure out what she actually IS. Whatever it is, the curlers aren't helping.

While we're at it, here's what the kid would look like if Brit Brit mated with Brit Hume.

Of course, with this guy as the father the poor kid's still got genetics working against him.

Note: The cat model in today’s post is the lovely Maddie-Mollie, whose picture was sent along by reader GinaZ. Just so you know, M-M is not actually as chubby as this in real life. Also, she’s not pink in color, doesn’t have the head of Britney Spears, and doesn’t carry babies around. At least as far as I know. Want your cat on catlebrity? Send us a picture!

tags: britney, Britney Spears, kevin federline, baby, baby daddy, curlers

Link Your Butt

2006-06-02T13:34:00.000-05:00

Squirty Kirstie!

"If I were going to be an alcoholic, I'd know it by now. Hic.” Zoom! Crash!

That’s a lot of balls!

If you love kangaroos and hate snakes, don’t click here.

I have no idea what this is about but after looking at the photo, I’m not sure I want to know.

K-Fed Takes a Bath

2006-06-01T18:29:00.000-05:00

No doubt you’ve seen those creepy new K-Fed photos. In a suit, with his hair neatly trimmed and coiffed, his facial hair gone, he barely looks like the K-Fed we know and loathe -- only the smirk remains. I’m sure the pictures will give me nightmares for weeks to come.

For better or worse, we at Catlebrity have managed to get hold of some candid pix of Mr. Spears getting prepared for the photoshoot. Reportedly, he scratched and bit at first -- he’s nervous around soap and water -- but once he got tired out he began to relax, and the smirk returned.

I can only hope that Brit Brit will arrange some more dress-up photoshoots for K. Sure, he looks scary in a suit, but wouldn’t he look great dressed as a pirate, or a monkey, or a sexy nurse?

For more Catlebritified K-Fed, see K-Fed’s Brazilian Wax and K-Fed in the doghouse.

Who’s stankier, K-Fed or Kid Rock? Compare for yourself here.

tags: k-fed, kevin federline, Britney Spears, stanky

Paris Sings! ... Show Tunes

2006-05-31T16:48:00.000-05:00

You probably know that Paris Hilton is recording an album. And you may have seen the video of her singing, well, it’s either a Rod Stewart song or her impression of tiny Chihuahua puppies being thrown into a thresher.

But I bet you don’t realize that her album isn’t going to be dance music or hip hop. It’s going to be show tunes. Paris will accompany herself on piano, with backup from a flute player she found on craigslist. Which is a little odd, because usually Paris is the one doing the blowing. No, I didn't mean it THAT way, you filthy, filthy people. She does a mean Aqualung!

Want more Paris? Try here, here, and here.

And while we’re at it, here’s her ex-BFF Nicole, in what is possibly the most disturbing picture on our little blog.

And here, Christian Slater makes an appearance in Paris’ bush.

tags: paris hilton, album, singing, screeching, aqualung

Angelina's Purr-fect Baby: Authentic Photo*

2006-05-30T18:17:00.000-05:00

Purr-fect! Get it? Get it?

Look, that joke isn't any worse than the dialogue in the Halle Berry Catwoman movie, which we've watched 30 times. Well, three. Or maybe two and a half. Anyway, Halle-Catwoman did call something "purr-fect" in the movie, so our joke is EXACTLY as bad as the dialogue in the movie.

Anyway again: We at Cat.Lebrity are pleased to present the first AUTHENTIC photo* of Angelina's new bundle of joy! You can see the resemblance to her already. But, er, I don't know how to say this exactly, but are we absolutely SURE Brad's the father?

NOTE: By "authentic photo" we mean that the pictures we hastily photoshopped together were, in fact, authentic photos and not, like, drawings. And that at least one of them featured Angelina, or a portion thereof. We're pretty sure.

tags: brangelina, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, shiloh, baby, kitten, lips, photoshop

So, So Sleepy

2006-05-08T21:44:00.000-05:00

We haven't abandoned this little blog. We're just very very sleepy.

But, hey, our old posts are still funny. So go look at them.

Tom Delay Goes Away

2006-04-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

With Tom Delay shuffling off to the Old Age Home For Corrupt Political Dickwads, it seems a good time to pull out this picture of his head in a litter box. Despite his recent run of bad luck/karmic retribution, he remains oddly cheery.

Tags: tom delay, corrupt, political, dickwads, quits, litterbox, cat poop

Sharon Stone's Big Reveal

2006-03-29T23:12:00.000-06:00

This EXCLUSIVE shot of Sharon Stone's crotch from Basic Instinct 2 raises a lot of questions. Like, why is she wearing that tacky outfit? And why is she doing her big reveal in Walgreens?

Also, I don't remember seeing a cat in there in the original movie, but maybe she's renting out the space.

tags: sharon stone, basic instinct 2, crotch, pussy, no no the OTHER kind

Natalie Portman: Bald All Over

2006-03-22T16:56:00.000-06:00

Even completely hairless, and with giant cat ears, Natalie Portman looks HOT.

Victoria Beckham, not so much

tags: natalie portman, V for Vendetta, bald, hairless, shaved, victoria beckham,posh spice, yikes

Mrs. Trump Gives Birth to a Kitten

2006-03-20T20:36:00.000-06:00

You’ve probably already heard the news: Donald Trump’s daughter, er, wife, just popped out a little baby boy -- with the endearing name of Barron William Munchausen Hideous-Combover Trump. Or something like that.

Lost in the hoopla has been one important fact: Mrs. Trump did not in fact give birth to a tiny baby boy human, but a tiny baby boy kitten!

He looks just like his father, but thankfully has been spared dad’s hair.

tags: Trump, Donald Trump, Melania, Tiny, Baby, Kitten

Gone Fishy

2006-03-19T16:57:00.000-06:00

We're not dead. We've just gone fishing.

Keep yourself amused in the meantime by looking at our old posts. Or, perhaps, this filthy, filthy cat video.

Lost spinoff: Lost Cat!

2006-02-28T20:04:00.000-06:00

Good news everybody! ABC has just announced a spinoff to its hit show LOST! In the new show, some of the Lost-aways will be whisked away to another mysterious island. Well, not so much an island as a giant floating cat. There, they will be forced to rub the cat’s belly every 108 minutes. And bring it fish. Lots of fish.

The show will be called, naturally, LOST: CAT. Look for it next fall. Before it comes looking for you!

tags: lost, lost cat, abc, evangeline lilly, fish, giant floating cat

Jessica Alba: Sin Kitty!

2006-02-19T20:17:00.000-06:00

How is Jessica Alba like a kitten? She’s so cute that no matter what she does -- good or bad, stupid or smart -- it’s ADORABLE!

Kitten falling asleep eating her dinner? CUUUUTE! Jessica scratching her ass on the beach? PRECIOUS! Kitten clawing apart your couch? Still cute! Jessica appearing in terrible movie after terrible movie? Awww -- I can’t stay mad at HER!

So today we celebrate Jessica’s freakish cuteness with a publicity still of her as a stripper with a heart of gold working an oddly fibrous stripper pole in the (admittedly imaginary) film Sin Kitty.

CUUUUUUUUUTE!

tags: jessica alba, ass, cute kitten,sex kitten, regular kitten, sin city, er, sin kitty

In the Pubic Domain

2006-02-16T12:44:00.000-06:00

Is that her birth canal?

All I can say about this is Goreci penis na otvoritvi!

Well do you? Do you have the BALLS?

She can scare the world off with her smile!

It’s apparently fashion week for crazy people riding subways. Thanks, Citirag for pointing me to this post!

Imaginary robot birds!

Cat Poop in Ann Coulter's Face

2006-02-16T01:03:00.000-06:00

Witless Nazi harridan Ann Coulter was in the news recently -- for committing voter fraud! Well, sort of. She apparently voted in the wrong precinct in a Palm Beach council election. (Apparently she also voted for Hamas. See what troubles democracy can bring you?)

That’s not really a very exciting story, the whole voting-in-the-wrong-precinct thing. It’s not like she SHOT some dude in the face. But hey, it’s not like celeb baby bumps are exactly news either. So Ann is getting the Catlebrity makeover.

I didn’t feel right about pasting her cadaverous face on some innocent cat. But putting her head in a toilet, facing the business end of a cat’s butt? Well, that feels so right it should probably be illegal. Watch out for THESE hanging chads!

tags: ann coulter, voter fraud, cat poop, cadaver, prescription medicines

Katie Holmes Captured By Monsters

2006-02-15T00:11:00.000-06:00

So a couple of nights ago, and I swear I’m not making this up, I had a dream in which I and a ragtag crew of sneaky do-gooders attempted to rescue Katie Holmes from the belly of the beast. We had been in secret contact with her, and she was ready to go. Then at the last moment she backed out and the plan was aborted.

Well, apparently I’m Nostradamus! On Tuesday, word began spreading on various celeb web sites that Life and Style magazine was reporting a TomKat split! Tom’s people rushed to quash the story, telling The Star that it was mean and disgusting and ”unequivocally false.” (See Popbytes for a blow-by-blow,)

You can believe what you want to believe, I guess. My theory? Katie did in fact make a run for it, but was chased down ... by MONSTERS! Raaarrrr!

tags: tom cruise, katie holmes, tomkat, scientology, split, monsters

Every Kiss Begins With Kibble

2006-02-14T21:04:00.000-06:00

I got this in the mailbox today, left by a small furry creature who fled so quickly I couldn't identify it. I don't know if this is an invitation, a threat, or if these three are just bragging. Whatever it is, it's just plain wrong.

It's all fun and games until Dick Cheney shoots your eye out!

2006-02-13T23:54:00.000-06:00

We at Cat.Lebrity were awakened from our long slumber this past weekend by the sound of gunfire. “Uh oh,” we thought to ourselves. “Dick Cheney’s at it again!” And sure enough he was.

After some considerable effort, and a nice nap, we were able to unearth this ACTUAL PHOTO taken just before Dick’s hunting accident. It’s not surprising he hit someone -- clearly he’s not even looking where he’s shooting!

tags: dick cheney, rifle, duck, no, not ducks, I mean ... DUCK!

Shhhhhhhhhh!

2006-01-31T01:07:00.000-06:00

Cat.lebrity is sleeping.

At some point we will wake up, finish up the last of the kibbles, and resume pasting celeb faces on unsuspecting kitties. In the meantime, enjoy our "best-of" posts again -- or for the very first time. (See the column at right for a list of what we, at least, consider our greatest hits.)

When you're done, visit some other nice blog like Dlisted, or Cityrag, or Kvak.com, or WACK-a-pedia, or any of the other fine blogs in our links.

Bob-Your-Head-With-K-Fed links

2006-01-25T00:11:00.000-06:00

Links by the galore:

Mariah dances in a tub of butter.

This picture of Marlon Brando is very very very very very very dirty.

Sometimes I make little electronic songs on my computer and I am very proud of them and I listen to them and bob my head. Which is, admittedly, very dorky. What I DON'T do, though, is use my rich wife's money to pay someone else to produce tracks for me, then defile them with my stupid raps, then play them back and bob my head WHILE SOMEONE FILMS ME. So in conclusion, that’s why I am not K-Fed.

Matthew B. cannot resist the mystical powers of Jessica Alba's ass. (Thanks cityrag!)

The precise locations of Fergie'’s lady lumps revealed at last! Oh dear God, there's more! And even more than that!

Hey, is that Courtney -- or Brit Brit?

Milla Jovavitch is a man, baby!

Tara inadvertently forgets to get wasted.

Sharon Stone is apparently starring in a movie about zombies.

Music For Kitties

2006-01-24T21:18:00.000-06:00

Sometimes the kitties and I like to get away from the hustle and bustle of the celebrity world and just listen to music. Sweet sweet music. And this crap also.

Wondrous tape findings!

Includes: The most boring tape-letter ever! With jokes!

And Far-out underage DJs of 1973!

Teenage Volleyballers!

Robotic singing!

Robotic reading!

Mysterious Counting Spy People! Includes Yankee Hotel Foxtrot -- the Original mix! (Only it’s called “tcp d1 4 phonetic alphabet nato irdial.”)

Wax Cylinder Hit Parade!

We're still alive

2006-01-24T00:21:00.000-06:00

We are sorry to have been silent for so long, but we are still suffering from, well, it's either ennui or botulism. Which one make you fart? Anyway, to tide you over here are pictures of pregnant cats. Lots of pregnant cats.

Mary Kate, Bobblehead

2006-01-18T19:42:00.000-06:00

Anyone scanning the Golden Globes best-and-worst dressed lists may have noticed a startling new development: Mary Kate Olsen has become a bobblehead! I don’t mean that she LOOKS like a bobblehead, or that someone has made a bobblehead doll based on her -- as far as I know someone already has -- but that she, herself, has quite literally been transformed into a bobblehead. With the body and ears of a cat. (A bit like good old Gregor Samsa, but, you know, without that whole cockroach angle.)

I suspect MK should probably see one of these.

., . , . , . , .

Under the weather

2006-01-18T00:20:00.000-06:00

Catlebrity is feeling poorly. We will return to our usual gleeful posting shortly, assuming we don't have, like, the bubonic plague. I mean, we are covered head to toe with festering buboes, but that's pretty normal for a case of the sniffles, right?

Gwyneth Fermenting Another Baby

2006-01-13T15:49:00.000-06:00

More fucking babies. Gwyneth has finally come out and admitted she’s preggers again. It’s about time she made some sort of announcment, because she was really beginning to show.

tags: gwyneth, paltrow, pregnant, demon, baby

Angelina Gives Birth to Kittens!

2006-01-12T17:35:00.000-06:00

Oh my goodness! After the shortest pregnancy in human history Angelina has actually GIVEN BIRTH! To KITTENS!

We don’t have a shot of her with the fuzzy little darlings, but amazingly, Jen Garner has offered to nurse any that Angelina can’t accomodate at her two human nipples. And, as you can see from the photo at left, Jen has had no trouble handling all her own little ones.

For a closer look at Angelina’s most unusual pregnancy, take a look here, then here, followed by here, then finally here.

Or you can just scroll down to “Angelina Shakes her Bump” and work your way up from there.

tags: angelina jolie, brangelina, pregnant, preggers, pop! wait, are those kittens?

Tits on the radio, a finger up the nose

2006-01-12T12:59:00.000-06:00

Rar! Sarah Jessica STOMP!

Pot. It’s like catnip for celebs!

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, and so can Cindy Crawford!

Looks like Jessica’s been in a rumble.

You know that Scissor Sisters song where they say “you can’t see tits on the radio?” Well, apparently, you can!

Hey, she saved 50 cents with the coupon!

Slough Witted

2006-01-12T01:05:00.000-06:00

So I was looking through my traffic logs the other day and noticed I had gotten a visitor from Slough. Slough the city, that is, not the actual Slough of Despond.

You may know Slough, not one of Merrie Old England’s merrier spots, as the locale of BBC’s hilarious show The Office.

It’s also, I discovered recently, the location of a unique social experiment in forced cheerfulness, which also happens to be a BBC show, in which a pack of experts descend upon the town with the aim of Making Slough Happy.

They’ve even got a little Happiness Manifesto, encouraging everyone to do happy things like exercising, planting plants, and even smiling wantonly at strangers. (Does leering count? I do that all the time already!)

Anyhoo, it seems to me that the Slough Happy-Makers are forgetting a most basic source of happiness, and of the occasional extremely smelly poop: Kitties! So we here at cat.lebrity are launching our own campaign: MAKING SLOUGH HAPPY ... WITH KITTIES!

Alert your cats and let the happiness begin!

Let's all stare, shall we?

2006-01-11T18:42:00.000-06:00

We’re Number Three!

We’re Number Five! (Er, on page 2.)

Whitney is Nutrageous!

“Hey! I’m UP HERE! Look me in the EYES when you talk to me! I mean... WOAH! OHMYGOD those are AMAZING! DO you mind if I stare at them too?”

Sweet sweet exfoliating love!

Ooh! That really was a terrible outfit. And that one. And THAT one. That one too. No, that one isn’t any better. No, still terrible. That’s even worse! Who dresses you people anyway? I swear, these are just getting worse and worse! AAAGH! My EYES!!!

Given her troubles dressing herself, clearly Mariah’s best option is to run around practically nude. I mean, more so that usual.

Who knew Marisa Tomei looked so good from that angle?

Angelina: Topless, Showing Off Her Bump

2006-01-11T15:58:00.000-06:00

It’s amazing how fast this pregnancy has progressed! It looks like she’s incubating an entire village in there.

I know she gets a big kick out of helping the poor, but I’m not sure she should be hauling stuff around in a wheelbarrow, given her condition.

tags: angelina jolie, brangelina, pregnant, preggers, pregerino, bump, topless

Angelina: Even More Pregnant!

2006-01-11T15:20:00.000-06:00

Just when you thought she couldn’t get any bigger, here’s the latest and greatest picture of Angelina’s rapidly expanding baby belly!

tags: angelina jolie, brangelina, pregnant, preggers, pregerino, bump

Angelina's Bump Keeps Growing!

2006-01-11T11:14:00.000-06:00

The Angelina Jolie pregnancy story continues to develop! Here’s the latest picture of her growing bump!

tags: angelina jolie, brangelina, pregnant, preggers, pregerino, bump

Angelina Shakes Her Bump!

2006-01-11T10:46:00.000-06:00

Yep, Angelina’s pregnant! We’ve managed to get hold of this photographic proof!

tags: angelina jolie, brangelina, pregnant, preggers, pregerino, bump

My Boobyguard

2006-01-10T15:23:00.000-06:00

Paris needs a boobyguard.
Nicky needs a boogerguard.
Is Star from a distant star?
This is a reminder to check for these.
Dakota Fanning, coke whore? (Allegedly!)
They’re smooth as eggs!
No cold weather shrinkage here!
Kate is not Kate.
Dude! It’s a llama!
Kitty!

Jenna Jameson: Kitty Porn Star

2006-01-10T03:29:00.000-06:00

Jenna Jameson, porn princess and noted literary slut, seems to be turning into a skanky Jocelyn Wildenstein.

Ay yi yi. Her lips are even more fucked up than Arnold’s!

tags: jenna jameson, porn star, jocelyn wildenstein, trout pout

Links, bloody links

2006-01-09T13:09:00.000-06:00

Mischa Barton donates blood -- to her pants!

Mimi: The Worst-Case Scenario

Paris has a fluffy buttplug.

Grr! It’s Larry King!

Jamie Foxx is an ATM!

Who doesn’t paste their face on Catherine Deneuve?

Dogs boiled in oil!. Er, PAINTED in oil. (Thanks Cityrag)

Glasbena Sola za Zivali!

Bonk!

Mark E. Smith is a Pretty Pussycat

2006-01-09T12:02:00.000-06:00

The last time I saw The Mighty Fall, the group’s leader/tyrant Mark. E. Smith spent most of the show sitting at a desk like some deranged CEO, muttering his incomprehensible lyrics into an assortment of balky microphones. Near the end of the show he wandered off the stage altogether, performing the last several songs from an undisclosed location somewhere backstage. The show was great, regardless. Later I found out Mark had broken his hip earlier in the tour. Not that I needed an explanation for his behavior. Mark E. Smith is Mark E. Smith. Such is his sense of showmanship, if that’s the right word for it, that most hard-core Fall fans, myself included, would be happy to watch him reading the sports scores.

Well guess what? Now you can. Watch him read sports scores, that is.

While you’re at it, you can transform your own random mutterings into Mark E. Smith-speak. And in case you’re wondering, you can doublecheck to see if you’ve ever been been in The Fall.

Some of The Fall's biggest fans, like one James Murphy of LCD Soundsystem, are also kitties.

Links to Ruin Your Weekend With

2006-01-06T17:38:00.000-06:00

You can have the drumsticks. I'll take a wing

Hey girls! This potty-mouthed stiletto-wearing shell, er, hunk, of a man is still available!

Help! A monster! That tranny isn't looking so hot either.

I loves me the boobies but this ain't right.

Speaking of which, here's Fergie without photoshop!

Watch out for the the reindeer gang and their dastardly reindeer games!

Star Jones knows how to induce vomiting.

Delicious, delicious bread.

The fine art of celebrity face carving.

Mariah: Bib Girls Don't Cry

2006-01-06T14:22:00.000-06:00

Why does it not come as a shock that Mariah loves to lie in bed and eat so ravenously she needs a bib?

I mean, with a bib you can catch some of the splatter before it hits the floor. Sure, you could just lean off the edge of the bed and lick up the fallen morsels, but who's got the energy for that?

Hey, here's another kitty in a bib!

tags: mariah carey, bed, bib, munch, munch, munch

Lindsay Lohan Rescued By Superman, Fairies!

2006-01-04T19:32:00.000-06:00

This just in: Lindsay Lohan fell down a mine shaft, but then was miraculously rescued!

By Superman! And fairies! And Paris Hilton flew by on a giant magical bird!

Oh, wait, that’s not “just in.” I sort of just imagined it, and then didn’t bother to check my facts, which, it turns out, actually weren’t facts at all. Ah well. The voices in my head, while certainly noisy enough, are not always the most reliable source for breaking news, alas. But, hey, what is?

Still, I seem to remember something about young Miss Lohan going to the hospital, or something.

tags: lindsay lohan, media, fact checking, dewey defeats truman

Rappin' Patrick and Bend-Over Al

2006-01-03T16:16:00.000-06:00

P-Swaze tries to pull a Federline. Which sounds a bit obscene, actually.

But he won’t be the first horribly embarrassing rapper the world has ever heard.

Looks like Al Reynolds is a bend-over boyfriend! Er, husband. (I vaguely remember the two getting married not long ago...)

Step One: Enter glass house. Step two: Throw stones!

So fucking CUUUUUUUUTEE!!! Thanks, Cityrag, for the tip.

Junk Feud is back!.

Everybody is a Cat.Lebrity!

2006-01-03T15:30:00.000-06:00

We have a winner! Well, actually, we already had a winner, an alert reader who correctly identified the mysterious fleshy image I posted on Dec. 22. (It was an obscene-looking but actually not quite technically obscene upskirt shot of Mariah Carey’s legs.) Anyway, as promised, I have worked my Cat.Lebrity magic on the winner. Ta da!

Anyone else who wants to be turned into a Cat.Lebrity should email me their picture and an explanation as to why they deserve this honor. If I like the pic and/or explanation, you’ll get your face on a cat!

Hello, Slovenia!

2006-01-03T04:11:00.000-06:00

While Cat.Lebrity’s (North and South) American fans snuggle in their beds, curiosity seekers from faraway lands log on to snicker at the whorish antics of Paris and her pals. Checking my traffic at 3 AM (I'm a bit of a night person) I noticed a steady stream of visitors from places like Madagascar, Iran and ... Slovenia!

Especially Slovenia, due to a link on a site called Kvak.com, which describes itself as follows: “Dnevno sveze novice, vroce bodice in pomembne govorice.”

I have no idea what that means, but it is heartening to see that folks in Ljubljana enjoy Paris Hilton’s crotch scratching and Whitney’s (allegedly) crack-enhanced dance moves as much as we here in Chicago do!

Happy New Year (Observed)!

2006-01-02T13:17:00.000-06:00

For those cats still celebrating the New Year, some links:

Worst dressed of 2005

And someone’s off to a running start in 2006!

The world’s tightest pants are baggy on Nicole!

Mariah, though, has no trouble filling out her outfits, and then some.

Tacky celeb New Year’s Resolutions.

Jessica Simpson contemplates the universe.

Are Jake G and Brittany M the same person?

K-Fed's Brazilian Wax

2006-01-01T20:19:00.000-06:00

K-Fed has gone Brazilian! No, not down there. (As far as I know; I’m guessing he’s got shrubbery pretty much everywhere).

No, he’s gone Brazilian on his new single, PopoZao, which apes the mutant Brazilian rap genre known a Baile Funk. (The song’s title is Brazilian slang for “big butt,” apparently.)

Anyway, I find Kev’s new musical direction very distressing. Because, dammit, I LOVE BAILE FUNK, an energetic mixture of old school drum machine beats, oddball samples and lots of yelling in Portuguese. Heck, the backing track for Kev’s new rap actually isn’t bad. The only real problem with it is, well, the vocal styings of one of the stankiest men alive!

We can only hope K-Fed doesn’t decide to piss on other Brazilian music greats like Jorge Ben or Carmen Miranda.

K-Fed, O Yi Yi Yi Yi I Hate-A You Very Much!

PS: In case you're wondering, that's not Brit Brit with him in the picture. It's the Cat in the Hat with a Miranda-esque turban of fruit.

tags: k-fed, federline, popozao, baile funk, carmen miranda

The New Year Smells Like Butt!

2006-01-01T17:16:00.000-06:00

Kirstin smells like butt! (But who will tell her?)

Paris looks for her phone in a most unusual place!

“Stop calling me Nip!"

Who would have guessed that cute little Tom would end up so crazy?

Is Celine actually The Beast? (Check out the URL of the post for a clue!)

Ricky Martin is totally NOT GAY!

One Year in Paris.

Prepare for the Year of the Cat.Lebrity!

2005-12-31T18:40:00.000-06:00

Fetch me some treats! Now, bitch! Don't make me bite you!

Oh, and when you go out later, don't drink, or do drugs, or drink and do drugs and spin around in a circle until you're dizzy, and drive!

Shake Your Body Body, Parasito!

2005-12-29T13:26:00.000-06:00

We’re back, bitches! Merry 4 days after Christmas!

Anyhoo, the votes have been tallied -- well, the one vote, our vote -- and Cat.Lebrity’s pick for Greatest Celebrity-Related Song of the Year is .... “Paris Hilton” by MU!

OK, technically it was released in 2004, but here at Cat.Lebrity we’re a tad slow. And really, this song probably deserves to win every year for the next ten years. Basically, the song consists of Mu screaming incoherently about Paris over synth bleeps and siren blasts and crazy drum machine beats:

Move your body-body
Shake your body-body
Jump your body-body
Paris Hilton!

With Mu’s thick Japanese accent, “ Paris Hilton” comes out sounding more like “Parasito.” Which seems appropriate enough. The rest of the lyrics are a little hard to decipher, though at one point Mu, as Paris, describes herself as “the richest party dumb girl” (or something like that) and invites us to watch her sex tape.

But why take my word for it? Here’s the insane video, complete with hearts, skulls, blood, humping unicorns, a tea party, and frantic chicken dancing.

As you can see in the picture above, Mu’s done her hair up in a way that makes her look a little like a kitty. Yay!

UPDATE: We happily welcome our Slovenian visitors!

Mariah Shows a Little Pussy (Literally)

2005-12-23T16:28:00.000-06:00

So I've been looking again at that puzzling Mariah Carey picture I linked to the other day and, er, if you look carefully underneath her robe, well -- judge for yourself. I think she's showing off a little more than she meant to!

tags: mariah carey, pussy, no not that kind

Lazy Friday Links (Pre-X-Mas edition)

2005-12-23T13:26:00.000-06:00

The Hiltons ruin Christmas AGAIN!

But Whitney and Bobby save it!

Celebrity Christmas cards!

Jessica Simpson is a dejected Charlie Brown.

Britney’s Parade of Embarrassment

Celebrity House of Wax

Katie Couric + No Sleep = Funny! Well, disturbing.

Assvertising!

O Tamponbaum! Plus: Pop Quiz!

2005-12-21T20:35:00.000-06:00

The first person who can correctly identify what the hell that is in the picture at left wins ... their face on a cat! Seriously, email a picture of yourself (or, hell, anyone else, famous or not) and I’ll put it on a cat. Hey, that’s what I do.

While you’re pondering, here’s Hilary Duff scratching her ass. And a Christmas tree decorated with tampons! It’s good to see that SOMEONE is keeping the old traditions alive.

UPDATE: We have a winner! The picture is of Mariah Carey’s undercarriage -- well, her legs, nothing more naughty than that -- peeking out from under a robe while she poses on a couch with a little dog. See the original pic on Cityrag here. You’ll need to look at the bigger version of the picture to get a clear view.

Posh Should Nosh, Says Sarah Jessica Parker

2005-12-21T03:50:00.000-06:00

Sarah Jessica Parker is complaining that skinny celeb mamas like Victoria Beckham are sending the wrong message to new moms, who, SJP says, should endeavor to be a tiny bit plumper than wire coathangers.

Obviously, SJP’s just jealous because Posh is so much prettier. She’s a dainty little angel! A hairless dainty angel with giant cat ears!

tags: sarah jessica parker, posh spice, victoria beckham, stick insect, dainty angel

This Just In: BRITNEY NOT GOOFY!

2005-12-20T13:07:00.000-06:00

Those meanies at US Weekly say that Brit Brit is "goofy." That is like so not true! She is a sober and responsible adult. So she's suing the mag for libel, saying it's exposed her to "hatred, contempt, ridicule and obloquy." Well, more of all that than usual, I guess. Anyway, you can tell she's got good lawyers because of the "obloquy." I mean, I don't even know what it means but now I want to sue people for obloquying ME! Dirty obloquying fuckers!

The magazine also says Brit Brit has a sex tape of her and her giant smelly doofus, which is said to inspire "laughter and disgust" among those who view it. Brit says, nuh-uh! Uh, Brit, I watched a little bit of "Chaotic" and I really don't have a hard time believing there's some laughter-and-disgust-causing Brit-Kev sex footage stuffed under your bed next to all the dust bunnies and stale socks.

tags: britney spears, goofy, libel, k-fed, stanky, sex tape, I just threw up

Stankiest Man Alive: K-Fed or Kid Rock?

2005-12-20T00:26:00.000-06:00

Is Kit, er, Kid Rock gunning for K-Fed’s cushy gig? I’m not sure, but he’s certainly got K-Fed’s look down pat. And I’m guessing he probably smells similar as well.

Study these candid shots carefully: If you were Britney, which one would YOU choose, the stanky man already on your sofa (K-Fed, below) or the stanky man who could quite easily intall himself on your sofa (K-Rock, at left)?

Thanks to Cityrag for the shots of Kid Rock with a bad case of the uglies.

Hey, Cat.Lebrity newcomers! Check out some of our GREATEST HITZ!

K-Fed in the doghouse!
Jen Garner, Ready to Pop
Jen Garner Drops a Litter!
Jennifer Aniston Topless! (Literally)
Macy's Parade Mishap!
Kirsten Dunst’s Drunken Master!
Bush battles door!
MJ: The King of Poop
J Lo, illegal space alien
Vince Vaughn: Not fat, fluffy!
Nicollette Sheridan: Desperate Housecat
Nicole Richie is thoroughly inspected

tags: kid rock, k-fed, stanky, lazy, layabouts

A Cataclysm of Links!

2005-12-19T14:30:00.000-06:00

The Hiltons enlist in the war on Christmas.

Kids hate Santa! Thanks, Cityrag!

Michael Jackson is an enemy of the animals.

But Fatboy Slim LOVES kitties! (Video) Thanks Hollywood Tuna!

Wipe your ass on Posh! Thanks, Dlisted!

Nicole Richie: becoming a cat lady?

Colin Farrell: kiddy pornographer?

Kirsten Dunst’s poky little boobies.

Yo yo yo! (Actually, these guys are just plain yo yos.)

Insert pussy joke here. NSFW.

Crashlee Simpson

2005-12-16T13:24:00.000-06:00

Ashlee Simpson, Papa Joe’s second-favorite daughter, collapsed while on tour in Japan and had to be hospitalized!

Some sources are reporting that she collapsed in an elevator after performing on MTV Japan. But as this photo clearly shows, she was actually in some dude’s back yard chasing bugs. Chasing bugs is FUN!

tags: ashlee simpson, hospital, japan, bug chasing, sleeeeeepy

While Kitties Train in Secret ...

2005-12-15T22:27:00.000-06:00

...to TAKE OVER THE WORLD, it is my duty as a CatSymp to distract you with stupid trivia! So let's get to it:

“Hey, dude, after the fight, you wanna go see Brokeback Mountain?”

“No way, dude! You KNOW we're totally not gay!"

Posh defends her man against a human female! But humans are no match for Skeletor!

“Not Debbie, De-bor-ah! What are you laughing at? Do I have something in my teeth?”

The world’s most brittle smile ever.

“Tom, don’t worry. It'll be fine. There's no way she could get away. That Incubation Chamber we installed in her belly will slow her down big-time if she tries to make a run for it. And there's that GPS thing we implanted in her ass. Plus a team of Celebrity-Retention Technicians following her in a van. And, oh yeah, she’s wearing an ORANGE CLOAK SO BRIGHT IT'S VISIBLE FROM SPACE!!"

Don’t take hairstyling tips from cats with fruit on their heads.

Tom Cruise's Head Stuck Up Own Ass, Tree

2005-12-15T15:05:00.000-06:00

Tom Cruise, who’s not a doctor but who plays one in his own big head, has pissed off New York city firefighters by saying that rescue workers suffering smoke inhalation should throw down their inhalers and take a swig of cooking oil instead. (It’s what L. Ron would have done.)

Later he infuriated the firefighters further by getting himself stuck up a tree. (See photo at left.)

tags: tom cruise, firefighters, cooking oil, that sounds awfully suggestive

Kitties Love Links!

2005-12-14T01:03:00.000-06:00

Pay attention! Now let's begin.

Paris is a terrible pet owner! But David Hasselhoff is even worse.

At least he’s got fans in Germany, though. Paris, not so much.

Posh, meanwhile, lacks an ass; Borat has lost his web site; and Carrot Top is overcompensating for something (probably his lack of talent).

Meanwhile, Scarlet has had an unfortunate stapler mishap; and some of Hollywood’s grande dames are turning into real Hollywood Madames.

UPDATE: The screenshot's from a game called Shivering Kittens. (The link there gets you to an early version of the game; there's a more recent version of the game also hosted on that site.) Haven't tried it, but it does look awfully cute.

Dennis Rodman is a Pretty Kitty!

2005-12-13T13:27:00.000-06:00

Dennis Rodman is once again dressing like a pretty lady!. This time he’s wearing a catsuit as well. Very fetching!

tags: dennis rodman, drag, catsuit, pretty!

Celebrity Body Part Parade 2!

2005-12-12T23:13:00.000-06:00

It’s time for another Celebrity Body Part Parade!

Lips!

Chin!

Butt! Also, butts! Still more butts!

Fanny! (Pack)

Can there be such a thing as too much of the boobies? Actually, yes!

Toe! (Of Camel)

Jennifer Aniston ... Topless!

2005-12-09T16:38:00.000-06:00

Yes, that's right. As you can see, the whole top half is missing!

These are the pictures you won't see anywhere else!

Actually, come to think of it, it's just one picture.

tags: jennifer aniston, topless, yet without boobs

Paris Hilton Spreads ... Christmas Cheer!

2005-12-08T21:44:00.000-06:00

Yes, she also spreads her legs, and, we’re guessing, herpes, and maybe even peanut butter once in a while, but Paris Hilton is also capable of spreading some seasonally appropriate cheer. Without actually doing anything, even.

It seems that everyone’s favorite slatternly heiress has been drafted into the War On Christmas, though it’s not clear which side she’s helping. See, some guy in Rhode Island is getting into hot water with the neighbors because his elaborate and surprisingly elegant front-yard Christmas display happens to incorporate several large photos of Ms. Hilton clad in, well, some seasonally INappropriate attire.

We here at cat.lebrity encourage our readers to incorporate Paris into their Christmas celebrations as well. Merely print out the image at left, paste it to some stiff cardboard, attach a hook and --hey presto! -- a Christmas tree ornament sure to frighten even the normally unflappable Mr. Claus.

We're not sure why she's playing a guitar either. She just is.

Black Eyed Pea Peed

2005-12-08T19:36:00.000-06:00

Fergie, the she-thing from the Black Eyed Peas, has finally admitted that yes, she did in fact pee her pants at a recent concert.

Since then, she's been diligently trying to train herself to use a toilet. (See photo at left.) Though from time to time she still does spray a little to mark her territory. Who doesn't?

Dogs Laugh, Cats Laugh Last

2005-12-07T18:01:00.000-06:00

That “long, loud pant” you sometimes hear from your dog isn’t just a weird bark -- it’s actually the sound of a dog laughing. Or so says a researcher at Spokane County Regional Animal Protection Service in Washington state who, ABC News reports, “has studied everything from hamster culture to elephant self-recognition.”

Hamster culture!? Everyone knows those little hairballs are total philistines! There have never been any great Hamster painters, and that one dance they know is laughably amateurish!

Anyway, we would like to emphasize that this new study does not mean that dogs are better than cats. While dogs may laugh, cats laugh last! (See picture at left.)

Glamour Length Glamour Links

2005-12-07T14:28:00.000-06:00

Brit Brit is a pretty princess

Aw! He's still dreamy!

Teri's natural beauty shines through!

And IIIIIIIIIIIII will alwayyyyys loooooooove yooooouuuu!

Even her neck is glamorous! Wait, that'’s not the word I meant. Gangrenous.

Hey, is that Tara Reid? (If not, someone stole her look!)

J Lo poses with, not sure, a gay cult leader perhaps?

Stars! They're just like us! And vice versa

Nicole Richie's Giant Glasses, Explained!

2005-12-06T13:24:00.000-06:00

So, if you’ve ever wanted to know where Nicole Richie gets her fashion sense, here’s a clue!

By the way, that thing she's wearing on what's left of her body is a sort of mini-cape. If you're brave, take a peek at what she looks like underneath that cape.

tags: nicole richie, giant sunglasses,really really giant